By: Tom Nealon

“Don’t rap about your car, rap about what a car *is*.”

By: Tom Nealon

“Russia number 1, Iran number 1, USA [spits]”

By: Tom Nealon

A hero and victim of pro wrestling’s “kayfabe.”

By: Tom Nealon

His brilliance is perpetually muffled.

By: Tom Nealon

A giant fat guy back when there was still honor in it.

By: Tom Nealon

Down with “thick and rich” gravy!

By: Tom Nealon

Secret History of Salad Dressing

By: Tom Nealon

Why didn’t Europe crack the secret of maple syrup?

By: Tom Nealon

Nocenti’s work stands out like Longshot’s weirdly glowing eye.

By: Tom Nealon

“I need to start writing pieces about other people’s problems.”

By: Tom Nealon

M.C.A.’s in the back because he’s skeezin’ with a whore? No more.

By: Tom Nealon

Food requires no justification, no retreat to the cerebral.

By: Tom Nealon

Mongolians — the Rosenbergs — Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing?

By: Tom Nealon

The plural, parable-spawning condiment of the people.

By: Tom Nealon

It’s been said that he was the last man to know everything.