Magister Ludi (5): Holier Hoes

By: Patrick Cates
April 26, 2010

As your Elitism Guard, I am responsible for administering Digital Serum, sending Turgid Emails and presiding over Mad Liturgies. In this challenge, however, I am going to lead you through a Digerati Slum. I have taken 40 HiLo Heroes and deviously translated them into Holier Hoes. Your job is to convert them back again and save them from whimsical obscurity.

***

The rubric:

1. Of the 40 Holier Hoes, 35 of them are HiLo Heroes featured on HiLobrow.com. 5 of them are Heroically Hilobrovian candidates who never quite made it on to the site.
2. The Lusor Ludi who correctly converts the most Holier Hoes will be crowned Victor Ludi.
3. The Victor Ludi will win a copy of The Idler’s Glossary (signed and personally dedicated by co-author and HiLobrow.com editor, Joshua Glenn).
4. In the event that there is a tie for first place, a tie-breaking question will be set and posted soon after the competition closes. The winner of this tie-breaker will be crowned Victor Ludi.
5. Lusores Ludi should email their answers to me by 9PM EST on Sunday 2 May.

The Holier Hoes:

1. Craved Bone Grind
2. Born Quieter
3. Tracheal Burns
4. Show Erratic Mind
5. Had Nails Only
6. Solarium Bug Whirl
7. Hustling Camcorders
8. Vacant Loser
9. Article Network
10. Charitable Sin
11. Rousing Mortals
12. Hails True Souls
13. Spots Genre Ruts
14. Dark Theory Pro
15. Hurries Rugged Cobra
16. Enhance Dolor
17. Fake Cranial Hum
18. Salami Jab Technique
19. Calamity Shock Reel
20. Shit Reference
21. Priests Nearby
22. Prim Anal Nooks
23. Onstage Cove
24. Creates Wily Lore
25. Animal Whistler
26. Gentler Cooing
27. Matinee Horror
28. Herald Thy Hero
29. Literal Belaboring
30. Sound Filterer
31. Reliable Asylum Twit
32. Inmate Lover
33. Starring Moron
34. Path Luminary
35. Bolder Bugger
36. Emblematic Honor Twit
37. Dire Lonely Creative
38. Regrets Anagram
39. Heist Schemer
40. Garage Slob Elite