“Russia number 1, Iran number 1, USA [spits]“

A hero and victim of pro wrestling’s “kayfabe.”

His brilliance is perpetually muffled.

A giant fat guy back when there was still honor in it.

Down with “thick and rich” gravy!

Secret History of Salad Dressing

Why didn’t Europe crack the secret of maple syrup?

Nocenti’s work stands out like Longshot’s weirdly glowing eye.

“I need to start writing pieces about other people’s problems.”

M.C.A.’s in the back because he’s skeezin’ with a whore? No more.

Food requires no justification, no retreat to the cerebral.

Mongolians — the Rosenbergs — Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing?

The plural, parable-spawning condiment of the people.

It’s been said that he was the last man to know everything.

Coyote wearing a giant clock, Loki with a fried chicken franchise.

His Dirk Gently is insufferable, wrongheaded, and largely hopeless.

Washington should never have accepted help from the butter-loving French.

Not criminal, but criminal-minded; chronicling, yet not committing.

Barbecue sauce doesn’t exist — but barbecue?

Mesoamerica was a hotbed of violence, Jesuits… and cuisine.

Reverse-engineering the lives of the vinegars.

Vinegar’s secret history as a beverage.

The sine qua non of condiments: mighty, versatile, & vital.

He’s the antidote to the excesses of molecular gastronomy.