My First Critical Theory ABC (3)
By: Greg Rowland | Categories: Browbeating, Haw-Haw, Poetry

Comrades! I present you with a radical counter-blast to the pervasive neo-fascism of the play group, a seven-day series of Critical Theory poems — radical quatrains that will enable children to challenge the dehumanising practices of the Kindergarten Konvention. Read this opus to your children, denounce parents who do not do so, and above all campaign, by any means necessary, for its print publication.

‘H’ is for Hegel, made chewy ideas and stretched them like goo,
Took one side of a thought and the other side too
And boiled them together to make Good Idea Stew,
The ideas were delicious, though not always quite true.

‘I’, I — it’s too much of mine,
A lonely small dinner where only one dines.
But I is much better when given a plus
So its good-bye to I and hello to Us.

‘J’ is for Jameson, says life’s in a loop,
A post-modern crisis that’s like a bad soup.
But if you’re not sure what all these words mean
Don’t worry too much, ’cos no one’s that keen.

‘K’ is Kristeva, a favorite of mine,
Thought girls live in different, but magical, times.
So if ever your Mom is cross at your lateness
Just say that Kristeva would praise you for greatness.*

* NB: Doesn’t work for boys. Sorry.

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A series of seven posts, written by Greg Rowland and illustrated by Joe Alterio.

Joe Alterio is an illustrator, animator, comic creator, and artist interested in narrative structure, interactive creativity, and the physical manifestations of story-telling. See more at JoeAlterio.com.

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ALSO: Julia Kristeva as HiLo Hero | Greg Rowland on Dr. Seuss as HiLo Hero | More theory on HiLobrow

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Greg Rowland used to write for The Idler and The Observer, but now has numerous commercial interests across the globe. He lives in London with his wife and children.