Conjurer of Monikers

By: Joshua Glenn
January 23, 2012

Of the 5,000+ spam comments posted to HiLobrow each month, a few slip past WordPress’s filters and land in the “pending” queue, where we editors manually decide their fate. Sounds annoying, but I get a kick out of it — not only because of the non-stop flow of positive feedback (“The content on this article is really a single of the most beneficial material that I’ve ever occur across. I love your publish, I’ll occur back to verify for new posts.”), but because of the made-up monikers. They’re as good as — no, better than — the character names in a Philip K. Dick novel.

Here, for example, are the Top Ten Best Spam Monikers of January 2012, along with their expertly vague affirmations.

1. Marquis Napoleon Holt: “Wow, that’s what I was seeking for, what a stuff! present here at this webpage, thanks admin of this web page.”

2. Isis Brandauer: “It’s not GoP v Dems, they ARE the same, they both are so corrupt America will never be able to go back to the old ways.”

3. Moshe Bazzanella: “Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive read anything like this before. So nice to find somebody with some original thoughts on this subject. realy thank you for starting this up. this website is something that is needed on the web, someone with a little originality. useful job for bringing something new to the internet!”

4. Shingo Murakami: “I dont know what to say. This blog is fantastic. Thats not genuinely a genuinely enormous statement, but its all I could come up with right after reading this. You know so much about this subject. So much so that you produced me desire to understand a lot more about it. Your blog is my stepping stone, my friend. Thanks for the heads up on this subject.”

5. Yuri Kerbo: “This post has truly caused me to think about numerous new issues in our world. Thanks for causing others to believe.”

6. Parc Rosewood: “Your post is useful to me. I found your site through Google. Thanks for everything.”

7. Carrol Shingledecker: “This contest is such a wonderful idea! Merry Christmas!!!”

8. Isaiah Pelliccia: “Im searching on the web trying to find just how to begin this blog site thing as well as your website is nearly certainly really impressive.”

9. Fallon Battistoni: “I was suggested this web site by my cousin. I’m not sure whether this post is written by him as nobody else know such detailed about my trouble. You’re amazing! Thanks!”

10. Cleo Keovongxay: “This is really a very cool blog, thanks a lot for this! Ive read a great deal about this topic in the past and I agree with you.”

PS: The title of this post is an homage to a great short film by Dan Zukovic, about a man (played by Zukovic) gifted/cursed with the ability to come up with perfect band names.

PPS: If one of these names turns out to be your name, let me know and I’ll transfer my admiration from the spammers’ ingenuity to your parents’.

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What do you think?

  1. The most common name used to create fake accounts to spam within World of Warcraft is Ludwig Rhys. (I used to work for Blizzard.) My favorite missive, written in Chibonics (spam argot), disputing my closure of an exploitative account:

    “Hello! Me think excuse me you why my frozen account number? Actually, does my long time game also have mistake? You can not be such! I like long time game , am that to be my human rights and freedom! So, ask you to must open my account number! Now horse on!”

  2. Horse on, indeed. Someone should write a book: “Everything I need to know, I learned from filtering spam comments.”

  3. Generally I do not write on sites, but I would like to say that this blog really convinced me to do it! Thanks, very good post.

  4. This can be a super blog for anyone who wants to find out about the this topic. You realize a lot its almost very hard to argue with you (not that I truly would would want to. You certainly put a different spin for a subject that’s been written about for a long time. Good stuff, really first class

  5. I’ve been amusing myself by approving spam comments left on this post — first removing the URLs — but that got tiring more quickly than I expected.

  6. “I can no longer abide this, Kevin. Pissing the English language away on what? To what end?” “Money! That’s the whole reason we’re doing this!”

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